The Road Less Travelled

I'm still new to this Crohn’s thing. Even as I type I'm tempted to spell it with a ‘ch’ – just like I did when I Googled it in October.   

That’s when I was diagnosed. I don’t like saying diagnosed by the way, it makes it sound like I'm dying. That or something terrible is happening to me.

It’s a bit of a double-edged sword, isn't it? On one hand, Crohn’s Disease is terrible, chronic illness that needs proper attention and care. On the other hand, you’re told you have to live your life normally as you can and not let Crohn’s control your life. Both are true, of course. It’s just a balance I still don’t understand.

I think that’s why I decided to write it down.

I've come across many brilliant Crohn’s blogs (which I plan to praise later on) and reading them, I feel more confident with the path my body and I are forced to travel.

Reading these blogs and the stories that go with them, I am inspired. I read how they go travelling, graduate, move out of home, have successful careers and juggle family life. All while dealing with Crohn’s in their different stages.

Since October I have doubts about achieve any of these things.

I know this feeling will pass. I will accept what I have, what I now have to deal with and what I can do to move with it. I'm just not there yet. But I know I will be.

I only just realised that yesterday (the 22^nd ) marks two months since I had my gastroscopy and colonoscopy – which, for anyone who didn't know, is how Crohn’s is discovered.  

At the time I was just relived to put a name to the symptoms that were making me so sick. Little did I know that the stomach pains and everything else I was served with* was Crohn’s Disease.

It started in June of this year and the typical ‘flare up’ lasted till my colonoscopy. So for four months (on and off – but mostly on) my body was wasting away as my digestive system ran riot.

Fast forward to today, and while I haven’t had any major flare up’s and have been pretty healthy and happy, my body still hasn't fully recovered from the last time; I still haven’t put the weight back on, for example.

Right now, I’m in Crohn’s limbo.

I’m due to see the specialist again in December.

I’m to see a group at my local hospital that deals with Crohn’s and other IBD illnesses. I have no idea when this is happening – I will find out when I see my specialist. They will run (more) tests and see what medication works for me.

That brings me to:

I'm not on medication.

↑ The main reason why I'm in Crohn’s limbo. For the time being, there isn't anything I can do to control my symptoms or know when or if something strikes.

I don’t know what foods might set it off, what lifestyle factors could contribute or what I might do to relieve any flare up’s occurring.

As I mentioned before, this is all new to me. And basically this blog is about me dealing with it as best I can.

As a 21 year old female, it’s not easy trying to be normal when the Crohn’s Cloud follows you wherever you go.

-          Eating somewhere other than my home has become a nightmare

-          Actually, anything from alcohol to coffee scares me sometimes

-          Choosing what to wear (particularly the bottom half of the outfit) isn't just about what looks good, but what is safest

-          You memorise every toilet facility you walk past – if you haven’t already memorised the area

-          Carrying spare items is not a precaution – it’s a must

-          Every invitation, from birthdays to catch-ups are accepted with hesitation

-          If the travel distance is longer than 10 minutes, it’s no longer travelling – it’s playing with fire

And there are bound to be other things I cannot think of that plague my mind on a daily basis.

I know a lot of these are unnecessary things to worry about and stressing only makes it worse, but until I get my head around everything, this list does go through my head.

This is only the beginning of my Crohn’s journey and I'm still figuring out the path I now have to take. I just hope there are toilet facilities along the way.

*While I can say I have Crohn’s and I'm trying to deal with it, the less…appealing symptoms are not something I'm really ready to share just yet. I'm not that brave.