It’s hot here. Like, really hot. It’s 10pm and 27 degrees.
With the forecast to be 39 degrees over the next two days, the important thing
is to stay hydrated; if not, Crohn’s symptoms could have a field day.
With my mind on Crohn’s, I headed onto the Crohn’s forum I
get support from. There I found a thread titled, ‘The Worst Part about Crohn’s’.
I read through most of the answers, and while the majority
were about anxiety, uncertainty and that jazz, which I totally agree sucks, I
don’t think it’s the worst.
For me, the worst part about Crohn’s is the foreverness.
For as long as I live, Crohn’s will be there with me.
Crohn’s will accompany me on this year’s trip to New
Zealand,
It job hunts with me,
It’ll be in the car on the way home from work tomorrow,
It will be a contributing factor about if and when I get pregnant,
It will walk down the aisle with me.
Crohn’s has been all my hospital visits after the age of
three. It is also easily the thing I think about the most in my everyday life,
and effects the decisions I make (what to eat, for example).
This is not to say that Crohn’s dominates my life. Or that my
illness controls me.
But, as the foreseeable future is concerned, it will be with
me forever.
It shouldn’t come as a shock – chronic by definition is an
illness or disease lasting over 3 months, and in most cases incurable. While it
may not show obvious symptoms, or even go into remission (allowing the person
to be healthy over a period of time), but by definition, Crohn’s will
eventually reoccur.
It’s always bubbling behind the surface.
It may not show any signs while I’m in New Zealand (it didn’t
for my last overseas trip),
It stays calm during job interviews,
Can be the perfectly quiet backseat driver.
Mostly I don’t even notice it. However, Crohn’s is still
there.
And that’s what scares me the most.
