Putting Your Health First. And How it Can Suck.

It's been a long time between posts. And for anyone who might stumble on this little blog from time to time, and was waiting on a new post, I'm sorry. 

In good news though, I haven't been writing because A: haven't been sick! Or at least not long enough for me to write about it. And B: I've been busy. Aren't we all? Which means I'm up and about doing normal human being things. 

Or at least I have been. Not today. 

Which brings me to this post: Putting your health first. 

It's been a while since I've had to say no to something because of Crohn's. Unfortunately, it's the holidays here, blockbuster movies are all out, and there's so much to see and do because 'hey, it's the new year!' so it's the worst time for me to withdraw into myself. 

So, why am I going all recluse? 

I've been exercising! Yay (extra stress on the body!) - but let's save that for another post. It's also been Christmas - so overeating is mandatory. I'm also dehydrated; big time. 
Whatever the reason - be it one thing or all of the above, when I eat, my stomach kills. I have severe pain and have to lie down. Oh, another theory was gas build-up (either from food, or running) Crohn's is fun! 

And while it's only been happening for a couple of days now, and I'm not too worried, my anxiety is hitting high levels, freaking out that I might be sick. 

I'm also tired! And after how I've been feeling, could not be bothered to go out. 

So, in true Crohnserella style, I'm saying no. And for things I really want to do but can't, I'm ignoring messages because I'm that person who's being bitter and hating on why I have to stay at home, looking after myself, while people can go have fun. 

See, that's the 'And How it Can Suck' part. 

My reality is that I won't be able to do everything, all of the time. And while this is true for most people, for me it's a little more often. 

Hopefully, after my water-day (drink a load of water and that solves everything) I'll be okay, and ready to live life again tomorrow. Because as Crohnies, sometimes that's all we can do.

The 'Foreverness' of Crohn's

It’s hot here. Like, really hot. It’s 10pm and 27 degrees. With the forecast to be 39 degrees over the next two days, the important thing is to stay hydrated; if not, Crohn’s symptoms could have a field day.

With my mind on Crohn’s, I headed onto the Crohn’s forum I get support from. There I found a thread titled, ‘The Worst Part about Crohn’s’.

I read through most of the answers, and while the majority were about anxiety, uncertainty and that jazz, which I totally agree sucks, I don’t think it’s the worst.

For me, the worst part about Crohn’s is the foreverness.

For as long as I live, Crohn’s will be there with me.

Crohn’s will accompany me on this year’s trip to New Zealand,

It job hunts with me,

It’ll be in the car on the way home from work tomorrow,

It will be a contributing factor about if and when I get pregnant,

It will walk down the aisle with me.

Crohn’s has been all my hospital visits after the age of three. It is also easily the thing I think about the most in my everyday life, and effects the decisions I make (what to eat, for example).

This is not to say that Crohn’s dominates my life. Or that my illness controls me.

But, as the foreseeable future is concerned, it will be with me forever.

It shouldn’t come as a shock – chronic by definition is an illness or disease lasting over 3 months, and in most cases incurable. While it may not show obvious symptoms, or even go into remission (allowing the person to be healthy over a period of time), but by definition, Crohn’s will eventually reoccur.

It’s always bubbling behind the surface.

It may not show any signs while I’m in New Zealand (it didn’t for my last overseas trip),

It stays calm during job interviews,

Can be the perfectly quiet backseat driver.

Mostly I don’t even notice it. However, Crohn’s is still there.

And that’s what scares me the most.