Public Dining

So it has been a long time since I've written anything. Sorry. 

Last Saturday I had a milestone I thought was worth noting. 

I ate dinner out in public. 

It’s been a year since my first real flare up, and it’s been months since my diagnosis of Crohn’s. I've achieved little things here and there - banana bread with a coffee date, hot chips out on my birthday. I think I even managed drinks at New Years. 

And finally last Saturday I ate a proper meal out. 

Things I noticed while I was out. 

Pre leaving I was nervous as hell
I even contemplated not going several times. I freaked out and I freaked out some more as I got ready for dinner. 

When we arrived I searched like crazy for a bathroom
Not that I needed one then and there but I knew it was something I would have to know about - for peace of mind should the occasion occur. I was in luck - the woman’s bathroom was right near our table - granted it was the opposite end to where I was sitting - but it was right there - score!

I drank only water  
I was driving, so I couldn't drink alcohol anyway, but I wasn't even going to chance a soft drink. 

I picked something from the menu that I knew was safe
And I had about 10 bites. I also ate incredibly slowly. To the point where the waiter came and took my dish - I didn’t mind though, at least I didn't have to keep eating. The people closest to me asked if I had finished yet. I replied that I had, and they were satisfied. Needless to say, still had a lot of food on my plate. 

I didn't eat any birthday cake while out
Did I mention it was a birthday party? I was lucky; because it was my Dad’s cake that we brought, we got to take it home and I was able to have some then. 

There were times when I looked like I murdered someone because in my head I was thinking worrying about being sick
So yeah this happened a little bit - in particular when we first got there/started having food. Everything I ate, I analysed, making me look like I was a serious food eater. I would also drift off and think about how my stomach was feeling. I can only imagine how murderous I looked when that happened. 

I took photos to distract myself
So this was interesting. I would go around getting photos of people because I found that it made me distract myself from being sick/worrying about being sick. 

On the drive home I couldn't have been better
When I knew we were leaving and it was time to go home, I didn't think twice about my stomach because I was heading to the safe haven that is my house. 

I had a really good time last Saturday - and tonight I have other plans for dinner again - this time a farewell. 

In my head I'm already worried about being sick, what I'm going to eat, how long we’re going to be there, etc. but at least if I go, at least if I try - then that’s worth something, right? 

I also managed dinner a few weeks ago at a friends place. It was amazing - it didn't cross my mind that I could be sick or that I would be. I didn't even think about it till I got home. It may have helped that she lives 15 minutes away, and it was in a private home, but still...every step counts. 

Hopefully I will be on here more - if nothing else to vent and talk about my anxiety with Crohn’s and how exactly I'm dealing with it.