Public Dining

So it has been a long time since I've written anything. Sorry. 

Last Saturday I had a milestone I thought was worth noting. 

I ate dinner out in public. 

It’s been a year since my first real flare up, and it’s been months since my diagnosis of Crohn’s. I've achieved little things here and there - banana bread with a coffee date, hot chips out on my birthday. I think I even managed drinks at New Years. 

And finally last Saturday I ate a proper meal out. 

Things I noticed while I was out. 

Pre leaving I was nervous as hell
I even contemplated not going several times. I freaked out and I freaked out some more as I got ready for dinner. 

When we arrived I searched like crazy for a bathroom
Not that I needed one then and there but I knew it was something I would have to know about - for peace of mind should the occasion occur. I was in luck - the woman’s bathroom was right near our table - granted it was the opposite end to where I was sitting - but it was right there - score!

I drank only water  
I was driving, so I couldn't drink alcohol anyway, but I wasn't even going to chance a soft drink. 

I picked something from the menu that I knew was safe
And I had about 10 bites. I also ate incredibly slowly. To the point where the waiter came and took my dish - I didn’t mind though, at least I didn't have to keep eating. The people closest to me asked if I had finished yet. I replied that I had, and they were satisfied. Needless to say, still had a lot of food on my plate. 

I didn't eat any birthday cake while out
Did I mention it was a birthday party? I was lucky; because it was my Dad’s cake that we brought, we got to take it home and I was able to have some then. 

There were times when I looked like I murdered someone because in my head I was thinking worrying about being sick
So yeah this happened a little bit - in particular when we first got there/started having food. Everything I ate, I analysed, making me look like I was a serious food eater. I would also drift off and think about how my stomach was feeling. I can only imagine how murderous I looked when that happened. 

I took photos to distract myself
So this was interesting. I would go around getting photos of people because I found that it made me distract myself from being sick/worrying about being sick. 

On the drive home I couldn't have been better
When I knew we were leaving and it was time to go home, I didn't think twice about my stomach because I was heading to the safe haven that is my house. 

I had a really good time last Saturday - and tonight I have other plans for dinner again - this time a farewell. 

In my head I'm already worried about being sick, what I'm going to eat, how long we’re going to be there, etc. but at least if I go, at least if I try - then that’s worth something, right? 

I also managed dinner a few weeks ago at a friends place. It was amazing - it didn't cross my mind that I could be sick or that I would be. I didn't even think about it till I got home. It may have helped that she lives 15 minutes away, and it was in a private home, but still...every step counts. 

Hopefully I will be on here more - if nothing else to vent and talk about my anxiety with Crohn’s and how exactly I'm dealing with it. 

Prednisone Continued

Hey guys!

So today is my 6^th day of taking prednisone; or Panafcort, either one is good.

However ‘good’ would not be the word to describe how I’ve been feeling.

I’ve been lax in my writing because for the past few days I’ve been so sick I feel like I’m going to throw-up. It’s terrible!

Ever since Saturday I’ve been sick every morning without fail. Luckily for me, On Saturday the symptoms were gone by the afternoon, but through Sunday to Tuesday it’s continued throughout the day.

I felt so nauseous that even thinking about it now is making me feel dizzy.

I had to call in sick to work yesterday which would be bad enough except; 1: I work in retail and 2: being at this time of year – I could only profusely apologise to my Manager. Over and over again.

This morning I didn’t wake up and immediately feel the need to crap myself. 

That was a good start.

But I was sick after breakfast.

I’m worried that because I’m sick after I have my tablet, that the tablet it going straight through me and isn’t absorbing into my body and therefore doing nothing.

I’m only thinking this way because I still haven’t pumped up like a marshmallow yet. I don’t really know what to except. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up one morning and BOOM! I’m the stay puft marshmallow man. I have also been sleeping like a log. My specialist told me that insomnia could occur over the first few days and after the first night of a restless sleep, I haven’t had any since. Which (don’t get me wrong) is great, but it’s a fuel to the fire of ‘is it actually working?’

I’m also finding that my stress and worry is not helping. Well, duh! But even with the medication, every time I start to stress I can almost feel my stomach curdle. I’ve got somewhere to be today and I do not plan on cancelling!

Adding to the pile of ‘actually I’m gonna have to bail’ was a movie night that my friends had organised. I felt so guilty after I had said an enthusiastic ‘yes!’ to, for me to then awkwardly decline. I had written (well the start of) a post about it – mainly through tears (why?!) but I never finished it. I’m pretty sure I ended up falling asleep. Take that insomnia!

Anyway, back to stress. My goal is to just breathe and worry less (hey, that rhymed!) Sorry. So all I need to do is try some relaxation and breathing techniques to get me through. If they can get me through to 2.30, I’ll be happy with that!

**

Ok, it’s now past 2.30 and I’ve gone and come back to the thing I had to go to. And it worked. I think. At 1.30 (when I was due to leave) I was nervous about leaving, but once they had arrived and were ready to go, all feelings of sickness and nervousness disappeared and I felt fine. I’ve even come back home and I’m still feeling ok.

I know Crohn’s isn’t a 100% stress and worry thing. And even though it doesn’t help to stress or worry, at the same time by not doing those things it will not guarantee that you’ll be 100%. It will not get rid of symptoms if you’re experiencing sickness or a flare up.

But I know for myself that, worry especially, fuels my Crohn’s fire and it’s something I’m trying to overcome.

Like hopefully tomorrow, when I’ll get my Christmas shopping done. Not that I’ve started. Unfortunately because I’ve been sick, I haven’t been leaving the house and add to that my brain telling me Christmas isn’t for weeks and weeks, I haven’t exactly been thinking about shopping/gifts/food etc. that I should be on top of by now.

Actually, that reminds me – I’ll be heading off to the coast in a week! I’m so excited to get out of this place and have at least a few days of relaxation and be somewhere that goes at a much slower pace. I also haven’t been to the coast in literally years, so I’m very excited about that.

And of course it will be Christmas! It will be my first Christmas as a diagnosed Cronnie! Not really something to be happy about, but look at the bright side right?

Hopefully I’ll have another post up before Christmas and I’ll definitely tell you how the brandy butter* went down.

Also sorry about any spelling/grammar mistakes in this post; I’m exhausted and I don’t trust my tired editing self. However I’m going to publish this post now anyway.

*hands down the best part about Christmas. For those not in the know, brandy butter is traditionally used on the Christmas pudding. Made with butter, brandy and icing sugar, if I died eating it I would die a very happy woman indeed.