An Issue Weighing Me Down

So if you’re a Crohn’s sufferer (urgh, I don’t like that wording but the truth is, it’s a insufferable thing) then you’re bound to have encountered weight issues over the course of your life. 

Whether it’s Prednisone making you gain weight, 

Lack of nutrients being absorbed making you lose it, 

Or a flare-up which is making it go crazy; 

Weight issues are not new for a Crohnie. If you’re on top of your weight and you’re happy with it, then go you! So proud!

The Great Gatsby 

For me, I’ve been pretty good with it - not great though; I’ve always needed to put on more but for the most part I’m happy. 

That was until a few days ago, when I hopped on the scales to find I’ve lost a couple of kilos. Making me the smallest I’ve ever been in a long time. 

I’ve been told by my GI and my cardiologist not to lose weight - if I can help it. And look what I’ve gone and done. 

But the thing is - I can’t help it! I eat, I eat healthily (mostly) and I have a good relationship with food. 

https://aflyingburrito.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/burrito-titanic.jpg

I’ve been noticing I get ill when I get anxious (i.e. every day) and I do get ill in the mornings. So I wonder how much I’m eating just goes through me, and my body doesn’t benefit from it. 

My weight is an issue that has….weighed me down…

The Wolf of Wall Street

But I chose not to let it get to me. Ok, so I need to put on weight - but for the most part I’m happy and I’m (somewhat) healthy. 

My goal remains to keep putting weight on. I’ve faltered this last week and I don’t know why that is, but I know that I can help try and put my weight back on track. 

Crohnie or not, our weight is something that people of all walks of life struggle with and compete with in different ways. 

If you are struggle with weight, no matter what the issues - I wish you luck on your journey and please remember that our weight does not define who we are. 

*thank you to Leo for his input in this post. 

Pushing Yourself

Ask anyone who knows me, the first thing people think of when it comes to me, is that I love comfort. 

I’m a big fan of the ‘comfort zone’ and rarely do anything that goes beyond that boundary. 
Some people call it lazy, others, stubborn. 
If there’s something I don’t want to do, Heaven and Earth couldn’t make me. 

So when it comes to Crohn’s - if I ever feel uncomfortable; if I’m feeling nervous or sick, I decide it’s best not to go out and I inevitably stay at home - where (funnily enough) any feelings of illness magically disappears. 

Struggling with anxiety and Crohn’s isn’t new to me - and can be talked about in other posts, so I’m not going to here. 

However…

I came across the perfect opportunity to push myself the other day. I needed petrol and as I wasn’t doing anything that day, I knew it was a good time to go get some. 
As I was getting ready, I felt sick. 
I felt funny in the stomach, nauseous and I went to the bathroom probably no less than 5 times. 

‘Stay at home. Get the petrol another time.’ 

This ran through my head several times. I began to think that I could just get the petrol another day - there was no reason why I couldn’t. And home (being my ultimate comfort zone) was a better place to just stay anyway. 

But then I did something that I really struggle with - pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 

Since my first flare up last year, I’ve been finding my comfort zone is being pushed to the test as more things disappear out of that zone. Things like going out for dinner, the movies and on occasion - coffee dates, are now things I consider a challenge. A challenge of the mind. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yep, pushing myself. So getting petrol - which I’ll quickly add is a 5 minute drive - is considered pushing myself out of my comfort zone (depending on if I’m having a good day or not). 

With my mind working against me - ‘let’s stay home! There’s no point going out for petrol then coming back again.’ - I decided I had to do it. I could push myself to go get petrol. 

It wasn’t far and if I drove there and wasn’t feeling well, then I could turn around and go back home again. 

So I got in the car.

I know this is going to sound lame, but the feeling of joy because I had done it, was overwhelming. On the way home I felt so good and even though it was such a small chore, I did it. I could have stayed home but I pushed myself. 

It’s hard writing this - petrol, coffee, dinner, etc. are not thing ‘normal’ people worry about. They just go ahead and do it. I envy these people like crazy. But I must put things into perspective. 

So, last night I had work. I’ll admit it to you, because I can trust you, but for the last couple of weeks, I haven’t been going in. I’ve been having Anxiety Crohn’s and chilling out in my comfort zone. 

But I decided to push myself again. 

And I went to work! Ok another tiny thing people manage to do everyday. But again - perspective. 

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is hard for everyone. But it’s something we all need to do to grow. 

Whether it’s jumping out of a plane (with a parachute, of course), handing in your resume for that dream job, going overseas, or even just getting petrol - living outside your comfort zone is rewarding and fun. 

Though it doesn’t hurt to wind down and relax in the CZ for  bit. 

*turns on TV*