Pushing Yourself

Ask anyone who knows me, the first thing people think of when it comes to me, is that I love comfort. 

I’m a big fan of the ‘comfort zone’ and rarely do anything that goes beyond that boundary. 
Some people call it lazy, others, stubborn. 
If there’s something I don’t want to do, Heaven and Earth couldn’t make me. 

So when it comes to Crohn’s - if I ever feel uncomfortable; if I’m feeling nervous or sick, I decide it’s best not to go out and I inevitably stay at home - where (funnily enough) any feelings of illness magically disappears. 

Struggling with anxiety and Crohn’s isn’t new to me - and can be talked about in other posts, so I’m not going to here. 

However…

I came across the perfect opportunity to push myself the other day. I needed petrol and as I wasn’t doing anything that day, I knew it was a good time to go get some. 
As I was getting ready, I felt sick. 
I felt funny in the stomach, nauseous and I went to the bathroom probably no less than 5 times. 

‘Stay at home. Get the petrol another time.’ 

This ran through my head several times. I began to think that I could just get the petrol another day - there was no reason why I couldn’t. And home (being my ultimate comfort zone) was a better place to just stay anyway. 

But then I did something that I really struggle with - pushing myself out of my comfort zone. 

Since my first flare up last year, I’ve been finding my comfort zone is being pushed to the test as more things disappear out of that zone. Things like going out for dinner, the movies and on occasion - coffee dates, are now things I consider a challenge. A challenge of the mind. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yep, pushing myself. So getting petrol - which I’ll quickly add is a 5 minute drive - is considered pushing myself out of my comfort zone (depending on if I’m having a good day or not). 

With my mind working against me - ‘let’s stay home! There’s no point going out for petrol then coming back again.’ - I decided I had to do it. I could push myself to go get petrol. 

It wasn’t far and if I drove there and wasn’t feeling well, then I could turn around and go back home again. 

So I got in the car.

I know this is going to sound lame, but the feeling of joy because I had done it, was overwhelming. On the way home I felt so good and even though it was such a small chore, I did it. I could have stayed home but I pushed myself. 

It’s hard writing this - petrol, coffee, dinner, etc. are not thing ‘normal’ people worry about. They just go ahead and do it. I envy these people like crazy. But I must put things into perspective. 

So, last night I had work. I’ll admit it to you, because I can trust you, but for the last couple of weeks, I haven’t been going in. I’ve been having Anxiety Crohn’s and chilling out in my comfort zone. 

But I decided to push myself again. 

And I went to work! Ok another tiny thing people manage to do everyday. But again - perspective. 

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is hard for everyone. But it’s something we all need to do to grow. 

Whether it’s jumping out of a plane (with a parachute, of course), handing in your resume for that dream job, going overseas, or even just getting petrol - living outside your comfort zone is rewarding and fun. 

Though it doesn’t hurt to wind down and relax in the CZ for  bit. 

*turns on TV* 

And I'm Back Home - but Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all!

I’ve been down the coast and back already. It went way too fast!

I remember a couple of years ago I was having Christmas down the coast with my family. During Christmas lunch my stomach began to hurt and I was in a lot of pain. I had to leave the table and lie down, missing out on the legendary pudding. After a lie down I felt better and went on with the rest of the day.

At the time I didn’t know it, but it was a Crohn’s attack. Nothing more than stomach pains but it was the start of what was yet to come in a couple of years. I’ve had many since then but I do remember that Christmas lunch.

So needless to say I was a tad worried about this year’s and after officially being diagnosed with Crohn’s I can now put a name to the face...and pain. Pain I was worried would stop me from enjoying Christmas lunch again this year.

I had a small serving when it arrived and I took my time eating. We (my family and I) cracked open the bonbons and the champers (not that I had any of course! That’s just being stupid).   

         

I managed to eat everything on my plate. And the pudding that came after.

No pain, no bathroom needed, no worries! 

In fact the whole trip did me a world of good.

I haven’t been on a holiday in years (literally) and it was nice to leave the house for a few days and breathe a different air.

Of course I wish it was longer and I can’t wait till I get to go back down again, but it was lovely while I was there.

I also have great news! I managed to go to the beach without protection! One of my greatest worries since Crohn’s became official was that I would have an attack while I was out and I would be unprepared. So ever since I’ve been wearing ‘protection’ in case I get caught. I haven’t ever been caught out but it puts my mind at ease.

Obviously swimming wouldn’t allow me to wear anything underneath, so I only wore my swimmers and shorts. And it didn’t bother me at all!

It was great to not worry about it, and to just go and have fun!

I went to the beach with my brother a few times; having a swim, walking down the beach and just being relaxed.

I’ve been struggling with being ‘normal’ with Crohn’s and it’s been effecting how and what I do. But down the coast it didn’t.

There was one time where I didn’t go to the shops worried I was going to be sick and while I wish mentally Crohn’s hadn’t taken hold, it was a small thing that I won’t let get me down.

It felt so good to just not even think about it. I still am taking prednisone and watching what I’m eating but being down the coast was lovely. And I can’t wait to go down again – hopefully soon, but knowing me it won’t be for a while.

It’s amazing how going away can help and the change of air does so much good.

I wanted to wish everyone a lovely holidays; wherever you are from. Stay safe and be happy and enjoy this time.