A Slice of Achievement

I debated whether to write about this or not, because while it’s for the achievement of a milestone…I haven’t actually gotten there.

Yet.

When I had my first flare up, back to yesteryear (2014) I lost a lot of weight – almost 10 kilos. The loss pushed me into the ‘underweight’ category.

I intended to put the weight back on after I got healthy again. Months later, it was time. I could eat and keep it down, I wasn’t running to the bathroom every ten seconds, and I could go out and live my life.

But the weight didn’t go back on – not for lack of trying.

I thought because I wasn’t being ill, that the food I ate would pile on the kilos. Things weren’t that simple. I even remember thinking the prednisone would make me puffy (water retention) and I would gain weight (water) that way. But that didn’t happen either. So dangerously underweight I stayed.

Fast forward a few years, and while I did gain a couple of kilos, it wasn’t enough to push me out of the underweight category. I was also nowhere near how much I weighed before I became ill.

It got to the stage where my GI referred me to a Dietician, who suggested I upped the amount of meals and bulked up my supply of fruit smoothies. It was an excellent suggested, but I wasn’t committed and only added a couple more kilos to the total.

By this stage though I only had around 4 kilos to go. But after months of sitting on the 45-46 kilo range, I was worried that I would never achieve the ultimate; 50 kilos.

Eventually, I lost focus on my weight. I figured (and was told by my GI) as long as I wasn’t losing any weight, then it was ok. Not ideal, but what can you do?

I was eating. I was also feeling pretty well, so I assumed everything was being digested ok. It was also a matter of putting on the right weight. It would do me no good to eat foods that (while would help me gain weight quicker) would cause me to go into another flare up due to its high salt, or sugar etc., and resultantly be worse off than before.

Eating high-fibre (chia seeds) and healthy fruits and vegetables would gain the correct weight. And hopefully I’d stay healthy!

But it was tough, and eventually I thought I’d never reach my goal, so I stopped weighing myself.

Today, I had a GI appointment in which they weigh you. It’s been over 3 months since I last weighed in at 46 kilos.

Today’s scales showed a weight of 49.9 kilos! I’ve basically made it! I know I haven’t fully reached my goal, but I wanted to share it with people anyway. I’m very happy that I’m almost there! It’s taken literal years to put that weight the flare-up took, but step by step, it’s been put back on.

And more importantly – I’m in a healthy weight range. Which is really all I can ask for :) 

The 'Foreverness' of Crohn's

It’s hot here. Like, really hot. It’s 10pm and 27 degrees. With the forecast to be 39 degrees over the next two days, the important thing is to stay hydrated; if not, Crohn’s symptoms could have a field day.

With my mind on Crohn’s, I headed onto the Crohn’s forum I get support from. There I found a thread titled, ‘The Worst Part about Crohn’s’.

I read through most of the answers, and while the majority were about anxiety, uncertainty and that jazz, which I totally agree sucks, I don’t think it’s the worst.

For me, the worst part about Crohn’s is the foreverness.

For as long as I live, Crohn’s will be there with me.

Crohn’s will accompany me on this year’s trip to New Zealand,

It job hunts with me,

It’ll be in the car on the way home from work tomorrow,

It will be a contributing factor about if and when I get pregnant,

It will walk down the aisle with me.

Crohn’s has been all my hospital visits after the age of three. It is also easily the thing I think about the most in my everyday life, and effects the decisions I make (what to eat, for example).

This is not to say that Crohn’s dominates my life. Or that my illness controls me.

But, as the foreseeable future is concerned, it will be with me forever.

It shouldn’t come as a shock – chronic by definition is an illness or disease lasting over 3 months, and in most cases incurable. While it may not show obvious symptoms, or even go into remission (allowing the person to be healthy over a period of time), but by definition, Crohn’s will eventually reoccur.

It’s always bubbling behind the surface.

It may not show any signs while I’m in New Zealand (it didn’t for my last overseas trip),

It stays calm during job interviews,

Can be the perfectly quiet backseat driver.

Mostly I don’t even notice it. However, Crohn’s is still there.

And that’s what scares me the most.